Wedding Diary-II

Further Perils....

Last you heard of our fearless Baratis, they were braving everything from road-rage to mosquitoes in their heroic bid to embrace the all Indian experience.. However...

'However' indeed! Ignoring for the moment sundry small(HA!!!) discomforts, like upset stomachs, colds, coughs, fevers, and other malaises that go by no name, let us come to the next Big thing. It was big enough, you know.. another accident in fact!

On the way to the farmhouse (where we'd had the bright idea of staging the latest edition of the Great Family Reunion In Times Of Joy And Revelry), a car happened to ram into a man. The car happened to be carrying precious cargo.. B Uncle, N Masi and the kids.. and the Man happened to be a Police Man!!! Sweet, eh? We'll leave the rest of the picture to be filled in by your own imaginations...

Actually these were not the only brave Baratis. The very next day, R Bhaiya had a thrilling ride in an auto. Picture this.. Auto driver losing his cool at two youths on motorbike who bumped into his little automobile and sped away.. Next thing we know is the auto-guy does some razzle-dazzle manoeuvres and his auto swooshes to a stop in front of the offending bike.. Heated words are exchanged, and the passenger (R Bhaiya) tries in vain to dissuade Auto-man from any further discussion.

What followed was this. Threats and abuses flowed pretty freely, and emboldened by the fact that he was bigger and stronger than the two motorbike youths, Auto-guy figured he'd show them.. except that this is real life, and more often than not, you end up being shown things you wouldn't have believed possible!

So what do you know, pretty soon, a truck full of brawny men pulls up. Uh-Oh!!!! Pretty soon, Auto-man is being nicely beaten up. Bro tries to step in and stop them, but they coolly tear off his shirt pocket, which he wisely takes as a hint to stay away. Some ten minutes later, the crowds disperse, and a lone auto drives off, bro safely inside it, the chastised Auto-guy in melancholy mode rubbing the occasional hand on his now painful ear...

Wedding Diary - I

The wedding is finally over! So many things happened that it's difficult to write about any of them, cause they all run into each other! But to begin with, I thought I'd write about the most unexpected perils of attending a wedding ever!

So, N masi and B uncle came to India to attend the wedding with the kids, and initially it was all good fun, with a lot of loud singing, painting and general fun which didn't really include getting any homework done.

The first day that they'd come over, my younger cousin and I managed to break a pretty pottery-thing while playing football inside my (rather small) room.

The next day, B uncle and I went around putting up posters directing people to the venue of bro's Mekhal. It was really entertaining, cause every time we put one up, we turned around to see a guard skulking in a corner glaring at us suspiciously. When we'd put up almost all of them, we turned to see the skulking guard standing behind us, hopping from one foot to the other and in the distance, we saw.. well, nothing much really, just that we didn't see any of the posters we'd put up earlier!

Apparently, his sense of 'dooty' kicked in a little late, but impelled him to remove the stuff as he suspected we didn't have permission for the same. He was right of course, and we hopped across and got permission from a happy looking man in the office. After that former-skulking-guard was as helpful as could be, helping us put the stuff up and whatnot! In any case, B uncle went and spoke to what I assume was the head of all guards, and they parted on the best of terms, B uncle having used up all the Hindi he could think of, ending with a very lightly accented 'dhanyavad'!

The next episode in their Indian Adventures was somewhat less merry. In fact, it was pretty much part of the 'Nightmarish Indian Trip' phase of it all. To put it in a nutshell(so that is it all concise and has depth at the same time, you know) there was a bit of an accident. No, let us put it this way... they got to experience the fastest growing phenomenon in Delhi... Road Rage!!! Picture this, two kids and one B uncle, travelling home, BANG!! Someone hits the car from behind.. Before they've had time to do more than make sure everyone is ok, the driver of the car behind them(the Bang-er) drags out the driver of their car(the Bang-ee... only one step or an H away from Bhang-ee, the discerning reader will note) and proceeds to vent in verbal and physical formats; the shindig ending only after registering in the minds of all concerned(or the 'All' we are concerned with) as another reason why India is only good in those little doses that come very very far apart...

To Be Continued...

It's Almost Here!

It's almost here! Today was the eleventh, and all the action begins on the twenty first... though people will have started congregating here by the end of this week! And suddenly, all that cool assurance with which I was telling mom to relax is beginning to evaporate. Probably because the list of things-still-to-be-done seems much longer and more unachievable everyday. Also because some of those things I simply Do Not want to do! Such as shift out of My Room!! And more importantly, My Cupboard!!! Some day, I'm going to have a cottage where I will have a huge room which will be my library. I'm sure I will employ all the archiving skills I will be picking up in the next few months then, and I will probably become like those horrible library people who don't want people to get their grubby hands on their precious books! And I will have a wonderful warm dark wood desk and a super-comfy chair where I will write various things, and there will be a hidden drawer of course, where I will hide those strange thoughts I sometimes scribble down. And I should have an apple dispenser at hand. And one whole wall should have huge windows facing a garden, to let in sunlight, and in the garden should be at least one large, huggable, shady tree for me to read a book under, when I fancy doing so. And the kitchen should be sunny as well, with a worktable in the centre, and That kind of flooring, and a nice big oven and ok, a microwave as well ;) And the garden I will mess around in, and learn about gardening on my own. And I will have a room with a loom in it, to weave when I need to, and a room for my photographic needs, and a Huge bathroom, just like I know how, and the dressing room, which will just be a slight step down in my room, will have a beautiful wardrobe, and that lovely wooden chest for me to keep stuff in. And there will be a couple of bookshelves in my room too, of course, for when I get spooked and don't want to go to the reading room! And then there will be the pooja room, where I will also meditate and have my healing paraphernalia. I am not precisely sure if I want to have all this on two floors or whether a sprawling ground floor house would be better.. But I do want a sloping roof.. so maybe my room can be upstairs!
Oh my, how I have digressed! But it has made me feel so much better.. I might even get through the next few weeks with my temper intact!

Several Things

At the moment, I'm a bit miffed. But that is, I feel, a very small dip in the regular series of ups and downs that make my life interesting. As indicated in the title of this post, I intend to write here about Several Things.

The Post Office Experiences:
Lately, we've woken up to the fact that the bro's wedding is less than a month away, and that we really ought to send out some invitations soon. Once this idea dawned, we moved fast - very fast - at the speed of speed-post, infact!
As I still haunt the wilderness of JNU pretty regularly, and since that happens to be a wilderness which had long ago swallowed a postoffice and stored it somewhere in the underbrush, I was appointed as the official Post Office liaison person. In other words, I was sent almost every day to post a few cards.
The first day there was a sense of reserve on both sides. You don't want to laugh at something only to find out that it was you who was the joke, afterall! At the end of getting four cards speed-posted, however, I sensed that I was being looked upon with benevolent avuncular eyes.
This impression was strengthened over the next few visits, which were increasingly resembling rollicking sessions of almost backslapping pally-ness. The uncles at the PO would very sweetly ask after my health, how work was progressing, and whether or not the cards posted already had reached. This, when I had expected boredom, curtness, if not irritation from them!
What struck me most, however, was the unruffled acceptance of technology that they had managed in, I think, three months time. Everytime the Printer would give him any trouble, Speed-Post-Uncle would coolly switch off the computer's main power switch and restart it. If anyone tried to suggest an easier alternative, he would simply state the obvious... He'd managed fine this way for the last three months, he was sure he'd manage now...

About someone:
As stated right at the beginning, I have ups and downs. Everyone does, that I know of. But lately I've noticed that certain people make me feel very sad everytime we meet. This doesn't have anything to do with anything, except that I had thought that phase was over. But no, it isn't... it just makes me want to sit and be sombre. And it really is ridiculous when I look at the big picture or the whatever it is!

About Someone Else:
On the other hand, there is another person who is making me very happy on an almost regular basis! Which is not to say I don't get upset with this person - of course I do! This is me, after all.. but let's just say the lows are fewer than the highs. And the highs are pretty high, in case you were wondering. Yesterday, for instance, I was so happy that even random people(including the snooty looking sort) couldn't resist the sparkle in my eye and my smile(bordering on a grin) and the funny part of course was when they'd suddenly look guilty as though they'd broken some personal code of not smiling at happy strangers! For the record, while I am not as high today as I was yesterday, I'm still pretty content.

About A Coincidence:
This one is nice, though slightly freaky if you think about it. As has been pretty well recorded in the course of this post, I've been happy, and nice things are happening which make the not so nice things seem completely manageable. Interestingly, in another city, similar nice things are happening to a friend, and it's freaky if you look at the timing... Everything is happening almost at the same pace!! And it's not the first time this is happening with us!!

About A Complete Stranger:
It may have been because the happiness was spilling out of me in semi-tidal-waves or something, but I was accosted and invited home by a complete stranger, who started out by looking a little worried, and ended up with quite a smile. As I was walking peacefully along the road, wondering where to get an auto from, a slightly-over-middle-age lady tugged at my bag and informed me that she'd seen me somewhere. So we stood there at the side of a busy road; she listing out the places she thought she'd seen me, how she thought I looked like her daughter's friend, how many children she had, how close their school was to her house, etc, etc, while I smiled on, and patiently explained that it was probably a mistaken resemblance thing. Then she grabbed my hand and walked on, telling me about how her knees hurt, and inviting me again to come home and sit a while with her. For a bit I was nonplussed, then I explained that I had to go places, so she saw me to an auto and went her way, looking pretty happy, and leaving me a bit bewildered.

Random but Highly Informative!!

We record here a conversation between friends.. to protect identities is of course our policy!!


A: Actually what I want is to be thoroughly soppy and vent like those females I despise
but heck, I despise them.... so how can i possibly bring myself to do all that
B: Do it
A: Its disgusting I tell you!
B: Who cares?
c'mon vent... let it go
A: :)
oh well
ok I'll type it out and you are under no obligation to read any of it
B: ooh lurrrrrveee
A: ok
B: i'll read it all
A: lol
whats the ooh lurvveeeee?
:P
B: generally
A: hehehe
ok
so basically I'm feeling bored
B: tell na
A: I've been a little bored for a few days now...
basically,I think because XYZ hasn't been around much
and
as it is, I'd more or less concluded that most of it is in my head
cause I think he just likes me like he likes millions of other ppl
ok, maybe just scores...
B: what rubbeeesh!!!!!!
A: nono, first I get to say all the rubbish
then you say 'what rubbish'
B: ok.... go on
A: haan
so...
yeah, and then I was being bored
and i thought...
hmmmmmm
here am I, thinking of him
I bet he, being a boy, doesnt even think of me
even if he does like me...a little bit
which is a lowering thought!!
And then I think... who cares?!?!?
And then I think why am I taking this so seriously
Why do I have to be so sure I like him anyway???
I think that itself is suspect!!
and then...
Yeah, basically that... and then I can never figure out if he's being serious or not
And I suppose the thing that is most unsatisfactory is that I dont really know where I stand with him, though i'm pretty fond of him myself
And I hate making a fool of myself
So I dont want to be fond of him either
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok thats about it
B: ok
A: that gives us a distinct feeling of ennui
:(
B: hehe
now listen, you fool
A: ok
B: first
liking someone isn't a strategic policy decision
So, regardless of whether you wanna like him or not, you have to accept that you like him
capisce?
A: ok
B: ok
A: now wait while I internalise this
B: :)
A: ah ok....
i dig that
B: ok
now, being in long distance 'like' is even trickier than usual, but that way, the chances of it going away more rapidly if it doesn't work out are much better
because things and places around you won't remind you of him
A: achha
ok
B: third
A: you may have a point there
B: he is probably as defensive about all this as you are, coz just as being vague is good sense for you, it's good sense for him as well
A: oh ok
B: because he is also dealing with a girl who may like him, or may not, and is not too forthcoming about how she feels
A: hmmm
B: so him being defensive is fair enough
ok?
A: I think I make it pretttty obvious
B: ah but in his head, so does he
A: noooooooo
hellloooo
B: what?
A: Everyone knows abt me and the way I'm being!
B: Everyone is not the crucial factor here
Does he know is the question!!

And so on and so forth... a very instructive dialogue, I think!

Urghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I'd describe myself as a Morning Person. I'm happy in the morning. I get over incidentals such as insufficient-sleep-once-in-a-while pretty easily when I see a happy sunrise. The only time of the day when I like going for a walk happens to be somewhere around Four thirty a.m. There is little that seems impossible in the freshness of a morning. Besides, the morning sunlight looks really pretty when it streams into my room, so there is always that to look forward to.
So why am I sitting here at Four a.m.(by any of my normal standards, the ideal time to be up) feeling distinctly displeased with the way things are? Ah, there are a few (maybe three) plausible reasons, but if you suggested them to me, I'd pooh-pooh your deductions. Thing is, while those may or may not add to my present discomfort, they pale into nothingness when we bring the real trouble to the fore.
Mosquitoes.
Horrible bloodsuckers.
How in the world did they get into my room?????????????
How many precautions does one girl need to take to be safe from them?????????????
How many do I need to kill with my bare hands before the rest of them take the hint and stay away?
Why do they have to choose to try and sting me on my face all the time????
Why don't they get misled by Sakura chan's real cuteness?? Why must they attack mine??

I think those will do for now. And you know, when you have other things on your mind, the kind that you want to sleep over, and wake up to find them solved for you.. well, it can't happen if you can't sleep!! And I'd left music on last night, but couldn't hear it cause the buzzing bloodsuckers were playing their feasting music so loud. Gaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!

In Black and White

I thought I'd see what I could do with a little b/w... Always did think it was all romantic.. I suppose I'll manage to get the romance across someday; till then, here are the results of a small experiment.




Donut! Chocolate Donut!!!

Wondering Why? Or just watching the day pass by?

Yeah, we all know where this was taken.. but I always did like the way the chairs have this cutout effect..

And That's All, Folks!! Till I find my muse and negotiate for a nice write up..

The Colours of the Day

Today, I made Palak ka Raita. For those not in the know, I have been pretty fond of this dish since those days long back when I was recuperating from a near-fatal attack of Malaria. Lately of course people around me have been hearing me going on about another 'dish' but ahem...

So anyhow, here it is, with a wodnerfully helpful 'How To'!!

After you wash the spinach leaves, dump 'em in a pan and let the stuff stew in its own juices. Then, shred the remains and place them in a decorative bowl, like so...

Then, beat some curd, and add it to the spinach, like so...

No, my fingers were not really dipped in the curd.. I reserve that kind of behaviour for cake batter. Now, put in a little salt and red chilly powder..

And mix the stuff...

Till it looks something like this, and tastes all nice and yummy!!!


And while I may remain undecided about Dish 'b' mentioned above, Dish 'a' always gets my vote for easy, yummy and healthy food of the day!!!!!!!

Deflated

That's what happens when you forget you were floating on top of a bubble. You end up inside a balloon, or who knows, maybe you bloat into one, and then the next thing you know is this huge POP sound that gives you a headache, and deflation. That means an extended downswing, till you hit the ground. Yeah, that's about it.

'Exquisitely Beautiful'

I just saw the meaning of 'Lovely' listed as 'Exquisitely Beautiful', and just Had to use that as the title of this post! It's been some days since I last came across words as striking as that.
No, no.. I don't mean to say that no one around me has used either of the two in my presence lately.. It's just that, as I was sitting to write this post, one of the things I was thinking of seemed to merit just this phrase!! The utter thrill of seeing my thoughts translated thus is, alas, indescribable!
So now, I'm going to follow my normal practice of writing in long, complicated sentences in a bid to conceal just what was so beautiful to me.. how predictable I am! I shall throw in a lot of red herrings for good measure, just in case anyone who reads this wanted to go fishing but couldn't. My good deed for the day, if you please.
So, I don't know if anyone noticed, but I've suddenly been posting more photos on this blog. The reason is that I suddenly realised how much I enjoy photography! And since I invested in a photo mag, I've learnt more about what I can do with my camera, and am experimenting everyday!
Not having got through for an Mphil in JNU this year is turning out to be a really good thing. I mean, I finally put in the effort to find out about learning weaving.. (of course I still need to figure out how to get to Bharat Nagar..once I figure out where that is..) And I returned to Pranic Healing with so much more energy than would have been possible otherwise! Most importantly, I always feel that not getting through did something very good for my ego. It pulled me down from thinking about how good I was, and made me realise that there was so much more to me, and that in fact, I was Perfect!
And now that I've got a chance to study at the National Archives for a year, I find that I'm happy merely about the fact that I'll get to study in such a pretty building, never mind that I am not too thrilled about the other people in the course! But then, even in JNU, I spent most of the first semester(and possibly longer) cribbing about how I didn't like my classmates.. ummm.. social animal, that's me! But i'll get over it, I always do.
An interesting insight I had recently, was in a way an outcome of all this stuff that's been happening, and I realised with great clarity, that the only time I felt totally healthy was when I felt loved. Now, technically, this should mean I never fall ill, considering the fact that ultimately it's pretty much accepted that there are people who love me. But in fact, this summer, I kept falling ill off and on, for about a month and a half! And but consider what made it all better!!
And then I decided to experiment a little, and see if I still felt ok without one particular source of the feeling. But ahem, I didn't. So I decided not to struggle so hard, and let it back, and what do you know, I was happy again, no more aches or pains! Umm.. actually I'm sure this is hardly a pathbreaking discovery, but still...

So many things to write about, so much time to write it in, and yet, where is the post? I mean, it's the 15th today, and I've mostly been busy doing Nothing the last few days. I've even had plenty of moments staring up at the slowly revolving fan thinking of deep things, like how much I wanted to eat chocolate cake just then!! Or even, infrequently, about some things that happened or some thoughts I had, that I could blog about.

The sad part is that I even wrote it all out in my head, and chuckled at the gags and puns... and now none of it seems to be there anymore!!!! The stuff departed from memory with the hair that fell off my head when I combed it this morning, I think.

So, I'm just putting up another picture. Yeah, yeah, i know how lazy that makes me.. just so that you know it too....

Some Stuff

I knew JNU and its environs were quite picturesque in dry, rocky and straggly-bush ways, but I'd never suspected that i'd ever get an 'ancient ruins' picture from there...

These are hardly ancient ruins, but the picture does have a certain something about it, eh?

And here's another picture, a major blur, which I like solely because of the colours... My first trip to Khan Market, when I had a delicious Chicken Tikka Roll, and then fabulous Lasagna at Big Chill..

And now I shall write another post by and by, which will probably include such scintilating strands of thought that you will be quite dazzled. Or dazed. Who knows!

Chomp-athon!

It was another very Full day. In more ways than one.( I come up with the most awful puns at night, I think. Anyway.. )
On one plane of existence, there was a lot of activity, which left me physically tired and a little cribby, and then again, there was all that food... (the easiest way to put me in a good mood is to feed me a tiny bit of something yummy.)
So here's an inventory:
Tahar-tsarvan
Roth
Dal makhni
Nan
Rice
Lasagna
Fresh Lime Soda
Ice Tea
Four kinds of kababs
More nan
Pizza
Grilled mushrooms
Breaded Mozarella sticks
Biryani
Wonderful Chocolate Cake

And I wondered why it felt as though I was undulating rather than walking this evening!?!! And I expect to lose some weight before the brother's wedding??!!?? At this rate I'll never get 'shapely' enough to wear that adorable choli :( Eeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaarghhhh!!!!!! No!No! Tomorrow morning, before the break of dawn, I shall be up, I shall work it all off!! So there!

Photos

I was left a little speechless, so I thought I'd just put up photos.

Chain nikal gayi thi

Local chai-wali aunty

Amir with his mother and younger brother

(hidden behind him in this pic).. from Jaipur.

In Delhi to get a Visa to Pakistan to visit their relatives there.

Extremely interested in the camera.

Young Tahir Husain was shy, but let go just enough to poke at the camera.

Koi Kaaran Hoga

It's one of those things. I appreciate lots of 'finer feelings' and 'understand' what people must be 'going through' and am generally sensitive to the small-print-emotions. But I always have had this sneaking suspicion that there isn't much of that going around. How else do I account for the remarkable lack of it when I need some?

As a matter of fact, it seems as though there's a little too much in me, because of which, for my own mental and emotional well-being, I steer clear of most emotionally charged, moving, or otherwise thought-provokingly 'Deep' books. Sometimes, this irritates me no end, cause, well, I like reading good books!! But I found early on that I couldn't handle too much excess emotion... Wuthering Heights, much as I loved the book, would invariably depress me for a week.. Hence it had to be put in the skull and crossbones section of the mental catalogue.

Of course, some might put it down to nothing more serious than me being essentially moody; while that may be true, it removes some of the romance of being emotionally sensitive. As a matter of fact, I whiled away a whole minute taking an online test to estimate whether or not I might be a Highly Sensitive Person(HSP), and surprise, surprise!!! I scored high enough!

But coming back to where I started rambling from.. It sometimes gets very upsetting when I realise that however well I manage to analyse a situation and however well I might be able to gauge another person's reactions and feelings, and however much I might open up to a person, they just don't seem to get me.

The photos

Strret Vendor



Shopping

OOer!!! Discounts!

Vintage Jag! Sigh!!!

Arbit wheel

The End

The Latest..

And now.. after what seems like ages, the comp is back in action!! Of some sort.. ahem.
There was a bit of a scare when it had crashed, since there was no backup of the huge number of photos I'd taken over the last eight months. But peace of mind is now restored! And to celebrate, I've gone wild with my trusty cam!! Some of those photos shall be displayed here by and by.

The various kinds of mental turmoil I've gone through in the recent past makes me wonder 'what' and 'why' and 'how' and even makes me go 'eh??!!??' once in a while. However, having displayed the various emotions associated with each of the above, I retire satisfied with my histrionic ability but completely at a loss as far as everything else is concerned. Ok, now I am tired of typing, having roamed for many hours through the hugely crowded stalls at Pragati Maidan which is hosting the Delhi Book Fair.

Misadventures, Misapprehensions, etc..

It's been a while since I've had days so packed with action. Ironically, when asked by anyone exactly what the action was, I am embarrassingly tongue-tied. Not because I have developed an affliction whereby I can't articulate my thoughts anymore..(I sometimes believe I was born that way.. never needed to develop it!).. but because there is just so much to tell, and then again, so little that is worth telling people who aren't living through this mess!

A typical day in recent times, would begin a little painfully (crick in the neck, a stiff arm, sounds of altercation or incessant irritating alarms ringing on other people's phones). This would, however, be followed by a surprisingly normal morning, full to the brim of mundane, everyday tasks that positively reek of the kind of hard work no one appreciates. Just to make things a little interesting, there'd be the occasional flash of temper, which, in this heat, does no one any good (especially when the person in question is me!). Further, lunches have been interesting lately, ranging from fancy-schmancy pasta, to yummy leftovers, to air and water. There has also been a lot of roaming around, mostly for regular grocery shopping, or to visit sundry people.

Once or twice, of course, the roaming around got a little more interesting. Take, for instance, the time Masi, Nani-bua and I went to the beauty parlour, which we fondly call S-de'beaut. The dames there didn't seem to be quite with it that day. So, they plastered Nani-bua's hair with henna, and ran back in five minutes to inform her that it would leave some oragey-red colour however soon they washed it off. She was quite aghast, cause she'd just spent some ten minutes telling them that she didn't want the colour! And the golden-orange that resulted was priceless..

Masi, therefore, was warned, and decided to stick with the pedicure and manicure. However, the dames didn't seem to know how to get rid of her fake nails. Ahem. And then, just as Masi had settled comfortably in her chair with her hands and feet in sudsy water, one of the dames traipsed in and asked her if she'd rather have a haircut first. So, of course, no contest, no manicure or pedicure!

And after all this fun, we reached home in rather good humour, but in the typical manner of these last few days, the evening was effectively ruined by churlish behaviour. Sigh. No one you know. Lucky you!

But I've tried to make up for everything by improving my mind and reading stuff to elevate my thought processes and generally become brighter. Thankfully, I have the tools ready at hand anytime I choose to lay my hands on them.. So I polished off a few Perry Masons, a few Asterix comics, the last Harry Potter, and Orhan Pamuk's book.

Ok, here's a picture mom took from the plane:
(I like it)

Nani

On Saturday, my nani left her body. It was a strange feeling, standing in the ICU, watching the doctors trying to revive her body. It was peaceful to sit with her body and tell her one last time how much she meant to us. It was impossible to talk to anyone at that time, though. It was extremely disorienting to leave my nani's side and find such a large number of people assembled at the hospital within the hour. It was bewildering to have so many different versions of what we could and could not do over the next few days. It was distressing to have to accept that mom and masi wouldn't be able to see nani one last time before the cremation. It was infuriating that someone who didn't care two hoots about nani should get to bathe her and help dress her the next day, when the people who did so much for her while she was alive, out of love, weren't able to.

But whatever I felt over the last few days, I didn't find my eyes filling with tears everytime the many, many people who visited spoke about her, or about the things she'd done, or the wonderful person she was. I didn't feel particularly emotional even when they kept remembering how she used to name me as her daughter even when she'd forgotten the names of her own children. When we discuss the many aspects that made nani what she was, it makes me happy, and gives a warm feeling inside, not a feeling of loss.

When people call up or visit, and remembering her, start recounting stories of what she'd done for them years ago, or how she'd fed them, or taken care of them, I remember her as she was, some ten years ago.. vibrant, caring, enthusiastic, she loved gardening, she'd just learnt how to drive, she let us experiment in her kitchen, listened to our stories, she was just the most perfect grandmother anyone could ever have asked for!

But that was not the nani that we'd been taking care of, for the last two or three years. Ever since she was diagnosed with cancer, she had slowly, almost imperceptibly lost that verve and individuality, gradually turning inwards, and by the time chemo and radiotherapy killed the cancer, her body was ravaged and the pain she had to endure wrought lasting changes. By the time we realised that all was not well, she was in a bad state.

Alzheimer's disease had robbed her of most of her memories, and she was desperately afraid and distrustful. In this darkness, she still recognised us as somehow related to her, though she didn't quite know how.. and now she lost interest in most things that had earlier defined her. Her famed hospitality and warmth were replaced by suspicion and a childlike fear. The early days, when she couldn't find her way to the bathroom at night, and would sit and cry like a baby, the hallucinations, the increased aggression later, when almost the only coherent thought that she had was that she had to go home, to her father and the family of her youth, the pain that she had to endure throughout, as her body too began to give up.. these are the things that defined her last years.

But what I remember most clearly of my nani is the love I felt for her, the tenderness, the feeling that made me want to just put my head in her lap and feel her stroking my hair, the satisfaction on her face when we'd talk and instead of trying to make her realise that she was rambling, I'd answer in ways that she could still comprehend, the way she would smile when I'd go over to visit her, the way she'd still put on her spectacles and read with intense concentration the same line over and over again.

Most people are now grieving for the nani of some eight or ten years ago. But the last few years she had changed into nani the baby, who had nonetheless to live with a lot of physical and mental pain. I can't grieve, because she's finally free of the pain, she is finally through with this extremely difficult life, and I can't grieve, because I saw her at the last, looking as though peacefully asleep. Arjun, though so young, put it so well when he told masi not to feel too sad, because nani had, afterall, become an angel now.

Make-Out Madness

We are, after all, quite public spirited. So, after a deluge of mostly angsty and over analytical posts, I present to you, 'Make-out Madness'! Maybe it should be 'making-out' but it doesnt sound nearly as well.

I was thinking about the recent trip to Bombay, and one of the high points, as I looked back, was the Cheeni Kum experience. Nothing to do with the movie per-se, except that it happened to be playing at Sterling that day. So, there were two seats to my left, and it didn't seem like anyone would occupy them, so I dumped stuff there. That had to be removed when a rather bulky gent and his diminutive date wriggled past. Not five minutes after they had settled in, I was disturbed by strange sounds... she wore a particularly rustly shirt, you see. Sounded like a stiff breeze through a pile of leaves. And I suppose these things make more noise when you're trying to be quiet about it! Anyhow, I divided most of the time of the first half between ignoring the various noises from the left, being diverted every so often to watch with great fascination, the two of them trying to make out while trying to be still as mice and quiet as leaves(and the uncomfortable glances that greeted my innocent fascination proves that they were unsporting!) , and in between, I even managed to watch the movie and laugh at the right parts! Sadly, post interval, they shifted seats, lower down... I still had a great view of them, but they didn't know. And without the insistent rustle I lost interest soon enough.

Making-Out at the movies, of course, is as old as movie halls. I first realised this fact while watching Grease.. the scene at the drive-in, remember? Strangely, however, the only other time I ever saw people at it in the movie hall was when we had gone to watch Zinda. Anyone who's seen that one will remember that it was rather gruesome in bits.. largeish bits. So I was rather surprised to note that this couple sitting right behind us had managed to block out even the most awful of the movies noises in their pursuit of passion.

One of my friends kindly shared some inside info with me(poor, under-educated me!)... So, I found out that even the Chronicles of Narnia make a rather charming background accompaniment once in a while.

In our many, many discussions on the subject, we have come up with many, many definitions for this term. The best and brightest will always be the hugging and holding hands version. Of course, while we were in school, one did hear of these horror stories, where two kids were caught in the act, poor things, cause their braces got locked together!! But all that clandestine activity in the school greenhouse seems miles away now.

The most recent education I got on the subject was from one of my dearest friends, who went no further than preliminary making-out, cause in the process .. well, she fell off the bed!

Thing to do

This is something I haven't thought of for a while..
Sitting on the (slanting) roof of a reasonably high building, preferably in the rain, or else, just feeling the breeze whisper against my fingers.

Some kind of silence

The last week has been extremely strange. I heard on TV something about the number 7 and how people governed by it are moody and so forth.. and that happens to be all I remember of whatever that woman with the bad haircut was saying. Because I've been exceptionally moody this last week, though paradoxically, I don't believe anyone noticed it particularly. And this week, when I was all about mixed emotions and confusion and turmoil, all around me there was some kind of silence.

It was the kind of silence that starts out by being imperceptible, goes on to make its presence felt, and keeps haunting you, trying to tell you that something is probably not quite right... only to settle around you softly, comfortingly, making you realise that it is not a cold strange spectre come to scare you witless, but a friend, a part of you, telling you that you need to remember what you are, that you can be with yourself and put your finger on what's troubling you much faster than you could with all the familiar atmospherics.

So, I've finally reached some conclusions. These, I hope, will help me live out the next phase of my life in comparitive peace. And maybe I'll even rediscover the Me who lived with everything essential inside me.

Almost

I almost wish
I wasn't
one step
away from
tone deaf

I almost wish
I knew
the way
to make
happiness stay

I almost wish
I didn't
care what
anyone else
thought

It'd also be nice
to make a decent rhyme!

Guest Writer Again ...

Lets hear it for our very own... Guest Writer!!!

Ahem ahem so here I set out to help my friend who would rather do this herself but since I am very impatient and she is under a lot of pressure I am doing my bit to help her!

Sometimes you wish that people while pretending to themselves and almost believing that they are sensible would take a peek inside or rather step out of their skin and look at themselves through others’ lenses. It would be a fruitful exercise in introspection.
Having established that, I think now I can continue in a similar arbit manner.

One fine morning, you wake up and realize that for no logical reason you are really pissed off at someone. You rattle your brains but they refuse to help you out. Then you call up someone and try to tell them what you are feeling. In the process, the reason why you are feeling in a certain way comes out, but as you go on you realize that it’s a very silly reason! So you try to push it away, not realizing that all these pushed away thoughts are actually just accumulating somewhere in the corner of your already cluttered mind. Then one day, suddenly, just a trivial incident becomes the spark that ignites the huge bundle of that inflammable material! There is a big boom and you are raving mad at that someone! So after cooling down a bit, you decide that the easiest way is to go and talk it out to the ‘someone’ concerned.

But two things come in the way,
a) the person concerned is not an easy person to talk to, one who tends to adopt a very defensive attitude if you try to point out things to them saying, shrugging their shoulders,” oh well! I am like that, take me as I am or fuck off! I do not give a damn about what the world thinks!’;
b) the normal human tendency is to focus only on one point or incident in the whole narration and to pick on that and then come up with a logical explanation of why they behaved in a certain way, which makes perfect sense when seen in isolation. But the point is that, that little point is part of a larger picture which people refuse to see because, well, precisely because they are concentrating so hard on that minuscule, unimportant, silly little, trivial thingy! It is like the inability to see the forest for the trees.

Moving on, forget the whole issue of major misunderstanding in the process of explaining. There are actually larger things at work here. Which are a teeny-weenie bit difficult to express.

There comes a time when all the accumulated pissed off incidents (which by the way you most of the time do not even realize existed), crash through the door making it inevitable that, you sit up and take notice of them! Along with that comes the sudden ability to see things in perspective and become conscious of certain characteristics about some one whom you love a lot. Things like their cattiness, their carelessness and most importantly their selfishness, even in a situation where the other concerned party is you! What makes it worse is that they probably do not even know that they are behaving that-a-way! Trivial issues like money, which at some point of time you had sworn would never ever come between you and your friends, acquires almost gigantic proportions! You are forced to wonder in what capacity you exist for people. You are forced to re-think a lot of other things as well. You wonder whether the concerned someone even has an idea of what they are putting people through, nice people, who cannot say a ‘No’ to save their lives. Do they appreciate the effort that is being put in for them? Will they ever say a thank-you to you? Or even a sorry? Do they realize the value of time, money and energy? And suddenly you see that the answer to all these questions is NO! It is a big blow to you! But that is impossible, you think! Further, the questions that haunt you are, when will they come to terms with their responsibilities? As member of a family? As a friend? When will they realize that life is not always ‘take’, but involves ‘giving’ as well! Giving love, time, no matter how tired or pre-occupied one is! You wish there was some way you could reach out to them and tell them how a little action of gratitude, of appreciation, can make someone’s day! Of how little it involves in taking, but means a lot, to a lot of people when you do a small gesture of giving.

Sigh…it is tiring, all this thinking. But the reason why one might hesitate in approaching the topic to that someone is not tiredness but the fear of losing someone dear.

a thought

Will you remember how much I love you even if I forget?

On Being Good

I finally felt the need to write, though it isn't something I thought I'd blog about. A few weeks back, I had attended a meditation at the Pranic Healing Foundation here, and while the whole experience was wonderful, there were certain things of a more superficial nature that made me for some reason, rather happy.

For instance, though we were complete novices, in that room, supercharged with energy, we almost effortlessly were able to feel auras and chakras, and the changes that could be wrought on these by the simplest of words. Simply saying the word 'Hate' was enough to make the heart-chakra shrink, while 'Love' made it larger. Saying a small white lie (the experiment we conducted involved a lady lying about her age) was enough to make her Antakarna slender as a thread... the antakarna connects us to our higher soul, our conscience, and even that white lie, spoken as an experiment was enough to damage it!

The experiment that I enjoyed the most was that of rooting. Imagining being rooted to mother earth, with beautiful white roots was all it took, without any physical effort, to become rock steady.

Apart from all the other deeper, higher things that were said that day, one story which I was much struck by was about Master Choa Kok Sui, who had gone to Sarojini Nagar Market, and once there, he purchased a large number of blankets and started distributing them. His pupils tried to tell him about how, in Sarojini, one is supposed to bargain, pointed out that many of the people were coming again and again for the handouts, and tried to prevent it. Master, however, heeded none of it, and continued to give.

The reason that I keep remembering this story and find it so powerful, is that it made me realise that if I'm being 'cheated' out of some money by a shopkeeper, it may be doing him some good, so i shouldn't mind it.

If someone comes for repeated handouts, maybe that person will use the blankets thus collected to set up an enterprise which will earn that person some money, and maybe that person will become self reliant.

Every one here is pretty clueless about most things, and most people beg for different things, often without even being aware of the fact. We need to share what we have, not hoard it and pretend that it is exclusively ours. Giving doesn't deplete what we have. We get other things, of greater importance. A nicer feeling about ourselves, for example.

And that is why that rooting experiment was so significant. If we were to root ourselves from within, there would be no more of that aimless floating we do so much of. No more swaying towards whichever side the opinions of others blow us.

And if only we could quieten down, stem the flow of continuous rubbish that we spew heedless of what it does to others, or even to ourselves. If saying one less bad or negative thing about a person can give me one more minute in which to say something kind instead, I'm healing both the other person and myself.

I guess that is the whole issue of being good.

Just A Little Angst...

So I thought of writing about the latest angst in life, and in case you think this is going to be a revelation of some sort, well, sorry, and you might as well stop reading this already!

Angst during term-time, and specially near the exams tends to be pretty standard, wouldn't you agree? It's all about studies, how much one has managed to do, how much(always a HUGE amount) still needs to be done, how you are totally freaking it, losing your mind, wondering what you were thinking when you got admitted to the course, and so forth.

Plus there are the mandatory disturbances on the home front.. family 'functions' that simply Have to be attended, so what if that completely messes whatever excuse-of-a-study-plan you had; Since you are at home, the parents Always keep coming up with things for you to do, it isn't such a hardship to take a break and help out after all, right.. in my case, if I'm home I find things that irritate me all around, so I simply have to fix them right away, or else I can't study!

Since you already are in such a wonderfully relaxed state of mind, it is natural for you to vent your happy feelings on your friends, and hence there are always some lively interchanges, to normalize the effects of which, you usually need the active intervention of a third party. Hence, it is a time of major bonding!

Also, the kind of brain power that you are forced to employ during this short period can be likened to a brief spell of lightning, or even 'andheri, kaali raat mein ek maachis jali'... hence, there is a sudden spurt of supercharged thought, which may or may not actually get directed at the study material . Most often, this is the most productive time as far as arbit thoughts are concerned. Some of the most enjoyable and intriguing projects were initiated by me during my exams. Sadly, since this is a brief phenomenon, I never manage to sustain the experiments till any sort of conclusion. Sigh. Such is life.

Ok, enough tp for one day. Have to go and study.. exam date-sheet's out! And the good news is that after the initial scare of having an exam on my birthday, they changed the date-sheet so now I can enjoy my birthday! Yay!

Messages

How diverse are the kinds of messages we send each other! What fascinating information they contain! And how heartwarming it is to read and re-read them! Once upon a time, I would never have less than seventy of these in my inbox... and then, I deleted them all. I never saved those arbit forwards anyway, so you can imagine how many Real messages I managed to hoard, especially if on an average, I'd have to delete about seven or eight messages a day, because, after all, the phone hasn't got unlimited memory!

Then came a day, when I couldn't take it anymore. I deleted all but a few.. and I mean really few.. three or four.. These were messages which for some or the other reason, I just could not bring myself to delete (ah, my soft, soft heart!).

For the rest of the un-deletables, I just created a new folder!! Hehehehe... so smart, I can be! [But anyhow, that folder is special and out of discussion. ]

Gradually, my Inbox started collecting new messages, though I always managed to keep it to between fifteen and twenty at any given time. This strict resolve to have no more than that number actually made me realize what is important to me at a time, and how that changes, and becomes redundant, sometimes over the short span of a day or two.

This morning I was emptying my inbox(having been too tired to do so last night), when I came across some of those I'd still saved, and decided that they were rather precious, and should be shared!

Sim - I AM D GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE... TREAT SKT LIKE A QUEEN ELSE U R DOOMED 4 LIFE! BOOOOO... and btw, merry christmas! :P

Sim - Sim:i think i've a v cute nose
antk:yes dear, so you do!
(ok, this one i actually didn't get for a long, long time!)

Sim - THANKS! Btw u still mad at me? pl don't be, pl pl pretty pl! i won't say dat gaali ever again! pukka!

Pari - 1.Hw u feeling? 2.Talk n make up hapnd. 3. S follg our footsteps, ignoring smriti sharma as we ignord khatri. 4. They r follg each othr, aftr all! 5. Huggy.

Sangee - You are like a cup of tea: warm, fragrant and soothing!

You know, there were so many more, specially the ones from Suk... the easter messages, for instance were wonderful... However, I shall end this post with one I sent Mindy(aka mini didi)

Me - O Mindy! O Mindy!
Kya lagati ho tum bindi?
Khati ho tum bhindi?
Aur jaati ho rawalpindi?!?
Wah, Wah!

One Fine Day...

The sun rose, time to leave for college.. yet another day..

Ringo and Singo walked out of the hostel wondering if they'd have to walk all the way, watching wistfully as other people zipped by on bikes, or even in those irritating, noisy autos...
Ah, luck was on their side..





As they got off in front of college, the auto-guy asked them about the strike.
"What strike?" asked Ringo, mystified.

Singo looked at her, then pointed to the wall...
"That strike!" she groaned.

"Now what do we do?? This means no classes, and I'm definitely Not planning to waste this splendid day slogging in the library!" declared Ringo.

"Oh, I know," said Singo..."Let's go to the bank, I need to withdraw some money."

"Ummm... Ok..." Ringo didn't sound too convinced, but Singo wasn't listening...


Suddenly Singo squealed! "Oh my!!!!!"

Ringo nearly bumped into the suddenly immobile Singo, before she realised that the cause of the commotion was the friendly-neighbourhood doggie!

"No, doggie-dog, there's no food for you today, so let go of my jacket now!" That was as stern as Ringo could get!


Somehow they convinced doggie-dog, and ran to the bus-stop.

Even as they reached and began the whole process of securing an auto and then haggling over the fare of the journey, the weather began to change subtly...


"Umm.... Ringo, do you think those are rain clouds on the horizon?" asked the perceptive Singo.

"Oh, No, it can't possibly be!! No, I refuse to pay twenty rupees.. it doesn't even come to fifteen!!" That of course, was multi-tasking Ringo, answering Singo and haggling in the same breath.

Suddenly, their deliberations were cut short by a big fat drop of rain falling right on the tip of Ringo's nose! SPLAT!

As they ran for cover, Singo's brand new phone rang.. RING, RING!!

It was Sammy! "Hey, the weather is beautiful, want to meet at our favourite Coffee Shop and thrash out the latest events in our lives? I have a little surprise for you!"


Of course this sounded like the perfect way to spend the day, and so they agreed.
Strangely, just then, the sudden shower of rain stopped and the blue sky peeped out at them once more! Happily the two then concluded negotiations with an auto-man, and soon they were on their way, via an ATM..

Their day of unexpected surprises was not over yet, however!

For who should they see waiting for them outside the Coffee Shop, but Pammy!! That, of course had been Sammy's little surprise.

After hugging each other as though they hadn't met for years, the four decided to get down to the business of eating, drinking, and gossiping to their hearts content.

As Sammy and Ringo posed for pictures, Singo went ahead and ordered food.




With all that good food safely inside them, it was time for serious work.. or serious talk, we might say... except that their serious talk involved a lot of laughing!!

But they soon realised that much as they were enjoying this outing, the amount of things they needed to talk about was immense, and it was decided that Ringo's room in teh hostel was the best place to go.

"Hey, Singo, have you got my wallet?" asked Ringo.

"Your wallet? Nope.. You had it, remember, when we had gone to the ATM.." Singo looked puzzled.

Pammy looked under the table, while Sammy and Ringo looked through her bag once more.

"Oh no!! This can't be happening! How am I going to pay for all this food I just ate!?!" Ringo was really distressed.

Suddenly, Pammy emerged with the wallet! They checked to see if the money was still there(which it was!) and then paid and left before anything else could possibly get misplaced.

Pammy had to leave for work, though, so they promised to call and tell her all the good stuff she would miss.

They stopped on the way to pick up some Desi-Chinese for dinner, from the local Chinky-shack.


Soon they were comfortably settled in bed, and continued discussing 'matters-of-immense-importance' till rather late.

And with that, I shall end this story, with Ringo, Singo and Sammy deep in happy conversation, while Pammy slogs in office, far away from the other three (but close to their hearts and ever present in their minds, of course!)

Jaipur

Another 'much needed break' is a good way to categorize the last few days, I suppose. Mom and I left Delhi Tuesday afternoon and returned late Thursday night, and it was a completely refreshing trip for me.

Of course, considering that I had a wonderful two weeks in Mumbai not so long ago, why I should Need so many breaks so frequently is a matter for much debate, but I shall probably deal with that one a little later.

I started enjoying myself the minute I sat in the bus, and since nothing of consequence happened that night even after we reached, I shall cut to the next days events. Now, we were staying with a friend of mom's, and her place is a little far from the 'sights' of Jaipur, so they hired me an auto for the day.

And so, at ten in the morning, my day of adventure began. Mommy had left already for the workshop, so I was on my own. It almost ended before it began, cause I came out of the bath just in time to see the auto driver already waiting outside, at the point of leaving, cause the maid told him everyone had already left!!!! I soon sorted that one out, though, and soon we were zipping along towards the City Palace!

Now, as anyone who has visited Jaipur will tell you, the traffic there is absolutely insane. I honestly don't know how I managed to travel there for two whole days without witnessing any accidents. Everyone drives around in any lane that they feel like and it doesn't seem to matter to them that the person in front had a right-indicator on.... if they want to overtake that vehicle right then, well, they will!! And yet, there was none of that awfully tense driving so typical of Delhi. They sped cheerfully, avoided collisions with admirable cool, and generally made nonsense of my ideas about good driving with elan. And despite all that, I was Not sitting at the edge of my seat or anything! Ah, all aspects of a holiday should be designed to promote relaxation and a general spirit of jig-a-jig-ness!

Then I did my touristy stint, spending about three hours traipsing through the City palace, another hour going up and down Hawa Mahal, then the Albert Hall Museum, followed by a swift, yet entirely satisfying shopping spree in Babu market.

City Palace was Fun! As it is, I am favourably disposed towards structures of architectural merit, specially when adorned with beautiful jaali-work and so forth... and to top it all, one of the main attractions here was the armoury!! What more could I possibly want!! Sadly, photography wasn't allowed in the galleries, else I'd have photographed every sword, dagger, mace, shield, matchlock and flintlock pistol there!! Sigh!!!

And the other place in the Palace where I totally flipped was this section in the art gallery where they had a display of manuscripts.. how shall I even begin to describe the state I was in when I saw a manuscript of the Ain! And oh, the feeling when I realised I could actually make some sense of the Persian!!

The only thing was, that I was enjoying myself so much that I so wanted to share it with someone! And none of my friends were here with me.. sigh! So what could I do, but continue with my solo-tourist-having-a-great-time role!

And yet, when it came to eating, I found myself digging in to pasta at pizza hut!!! That just happens to be something I have been doing a lot of here in Delhi as well, so the irony of the whole situation was just too priceless...

Now, since I am already tired of describing stuff, I shall just go ahead and ramble. First of all, stay at an hotel when on a holiday, cause staying with people you know just doesn't give you that totally free feeling... it was about the only thing that made my holiday a little removed from my ideal.. you know, come back to a room you don't have to bother to keep clean, and just go to sleep, order food, pamper yourself without any uncomfortable voices telling you that you're enjoying yourself at someone else's expense, so to say.

Secondly, carry your camera with you at all times, otherwise you'll end up like me at choki dhaani, with all these 'charmingly rustic' and totally photograph-able subjects all around and no camera!

If on holiday, do as those silly looking firang tourists at Dilli Haat do... watch puppet shows, get mehandi put on your hands(i didn't, but i had wistful tugs at the heart later, telling me I should've), and definitely have your future told by the local astrologer! I had a hilarious time at the palmist's, and was later wondering why more people don't go in for that as a professional option.

Ooh, and one must shop! I had a great time searching for cholis.. helpful shopkeepers directed me to the market at Hawa Mahal, and indeed, it turned out to be a goldmine! I must've become acquainted with at least ten different varieties of cholis, and though I ended up picking up just two of the most interesting kinds, I am already dying to go back and complete the collection!

And returning now to the question raised earlier, about this sudden need for frequent breaks, I can't quite explain it yet, cause there must be something that drives me insane every so often necessitating such measures, but I haven't figured out what yet. I'd thought that the Mumbai break had set me up pretty well for at least the next six months, but I was dying from strain within a month!! So now I've come up with an alternative hypothesis.. maybe the Mumbai break just got me addicted to the idea of disconnecting myself from the world for a while, hooked me to the high you get on being freed from a routine, from having to do nothing but what you feel like doing.. sigh!!

The Tree

I first saw this tree almost two years ago, when I first came to JNU. It happens to be situated right outside my centre.. (CHS.. Centre for Historical Studies.. then, as now, I found the name somehow hilarious)

That year, it was beautiful. It had those lovely fringe-like leaves and splashy reddish-orange-ish flowers that Gulmohars do have. It was also the year of Helicopter.. the little doggie with the tail that whirred instead of wagging.

That winter, however, many things changed. When winter term began in January, the tree was bare, and even as fresh green leaves and buds appeared on the trees all around, this one remained dark and bare.

Of little Helicopter there was no sign. Instead, there were new puppies... Manto and Momma-dog had been busy, and the result were these three.. Sadat, Hassan, and dumbsicle(little problems creep up with nomenclature you see.. it was to be Sadat, Hassan and Manto, but Manto was the dad... then there was the fact that we also called them Dumbsicle and Pupsicle.. but again, had no third form of the same..)

A year later, and still no leaves. Still dark and stark and all of that, but not that wonderful verdant beauty. The happy family of doggies also had to face trying times.. Manto has relocated, while Momma-dog hangs out with her kids, and occasionally flirts with arbit new-dogs-on-the-block.

Today

It was such a strange day.

I woke up upset.. I dreamt that I was upset with someone I love a lot, you see. And though I managed to shoo away that feeling, somewhere, it still troubled me.

I got dressed, and then about thirty seconds before I had to leave, I decided to change into a plain white shirt instead of the bright, warm red one I had originally worn. I kept my red shoes, though.

I turned on the radio in the bus and by the time I reached college, I was quite happy, satisfied with the fact that there was good music early in the morning, and that the sun was shining so brightly.

I was happy also because of those red shoes, which are rather cute. So I messaged some of my friends to share that feeling. One of them, however, managed to upset me through the feeling I got from the reply.. the wording was innocuous, you see.

Anyhow, more music and thinking about the load of work that I simply Had to do that morning put that feeling away as well. Entering the library, I kept the headphones on, and got down to the days work. There was a lot of that, and before I knew it I was through with one whole book.. then another. By One o'clock, I was feeling marginally better about the whole work situation, though I know It will only get more stressful over the next two weeks.

The music only stopped when a friend came over to my Univ. and I was so happy to see her, I chucked my latest primary source* and we went out for lunch.

The next two hours or so, I enjoyed myself thoroughly, because that's what happens when you are with someone like her. We also had Ice-creams! :)

Then, on the way home we picked up sis-in-law-to-be, and all was still well, though the drive was unusually long, and when I got home I was tired.

I lost my temper just a little bit, once again, when I saw that the stuff on my desk had been messed with. Not much, though.

We went over and met nani and nanu, but halfway through that, I just got very tired and for want of a better word, disenchanted. At least, that is what I suppose it was, because I slammed the phone down for no real reason twice when my best friend called, and then out of courtesy waited for her to slam it on me the third time.

About twenty minutes after that, we left, and I tried to call her because I had a sudden urge to apologise. It's not as though having a fight with her is not good fun, it's just that suddenly, I didn't want to do that anymore.

Then mom and dad went off for a wedding, and I had dinner and all through, I couldn't get rid of that weird feeling. So here it is, i thought if I wrote it out, I'd feel better. Let's see.




*Abul Fazl's Ain-i-Akbari, for anyone who is interested in these finer details..

Variation, or a Similar Theme

Deep inside, there's something cold,
Something sharp and harsh
Deep inside, there's something warm,
Heated by hidden scorching fires
Each hiding the other,
Each hidden from the other
Pretending to have a purpose,
Pretending to have a right
To freeze or to burn
To hide away or erupt aloud..
All the while they play this game,
Nestled away still rules the Fear.


As the title says, this one is pretty much a variation of what I'd already posted, but in the absence of the time and energy to post something new and original and so forth, I decided to put this up anyway.

And oh, this was written during class one day last week, when I was unbelievably sleepy... That should explain the rather uninspired tone of the thing!! That day's notes are pretty funny actually.. there's a page of stuff the teacher was saying (hugely untidy scrawl) and then a cartoon of a kid flying a kite, followed by the poem, another half page of notes (I felt it wasn't right to ignore the teacher so completely!) and then sporadic breaks in that pious attempt at attentiveness as and when I had an interesting thought which, for once in a way I've noted down!!

Reaching Out... Reaching Nowhere

Getting soaked to the skin,
But so sere is the desert inside
No rain touches my parched throat
No words emerge
To speak, to shout, to let anyone know
If it burns me up, if I'm so hollow
Vibrating in tune to the falling hail -
Hard, so cold, and yet
Softer, warmer than the desert in me
Sparks in the sky, the ceaseless rumble
Can't light up the harsh darkness,
Can't drown out the empty noise
Can't hide with those dark clouds
My empty hand
Reaching out to the empty air
Reaching nowhere.

A-moo-sing events

Ok, I confess, its a bad pun up there in the title of the post... and yet, I was dying to write this post just so that I could treat everyone to the bad pun... public spirited, ain't I?

There are several technical problems one is faced with when writing. For one, there are these awful puns that tempt you All The Time!! If you manage to deal with them, there are issues of nomenclature, such as: what in the world are those things that I want to talk about called?? Cows?Bulls?Buffaloes?None of the above? Kind readers, you will, I hope, be itching to enlighten me on the point ... I eagerly await your comments!! :P

Ah, so where was I? Oh yes.. in the car, on my way back home! 'Part 1' happened while we'd parked outside this sidey shopping place near home which seems to be perpetually under construction, and is hence well supplied with lots and lots and lots of dirt. Picturesquely poised in the middle of the mud-pit was a happy looking cow/bull/buffalo. It looked as though mom would take some time, so I fished out the veggie burger I'd stashed in my bag, and merrily started chomping on it.

What happened next? A puppy.. jaunty little munchkin it was.. and of course I was seized with the desire to share my food with the prancing puplet. However, by the time I rolled the window down, it had jumped over a dirt-dune and disappeared. I sighed and continued chomping.

Idly surveying the sights, I happened to see a happy looking cow/bull/buffalo meandering my way. Now, as a rule, these guys(another bad pun!!!!!) ignore me and only deign to notice us when my brother is around(sigh). This one however, clearly had better 'taste' than most. (yeah, I'm going overboard with the bad puns now!!)

Next thing I knew ... it was drooling all over the window-pane even as I rolled the thing up! left nice streaks of dirt mixed with stuff-I'd-rather-not-speculate-about. And then it walked away. Yeah, it wasn't even a very long story.

Then there is 'part2' , which was even shorter! Again, in the car on the way home. It happened really fast, and I barely had time to take in that it actually happened! So, there was another of these c/b/b chewing dirt at the side of some road, and a dog poking around near one of its forelegs. Even as I noted this fact almost absentmindedly, the c/b/b lifted one of its hind legs and smartly kicked the dog on the backside!!!!!! Last thing I saw was the dog squeaking in protest and running away sideways.

So, thats all folks, except that I also had one of those flashes of insight while I was typing out the whole c/b/b bit... I know stuff for such a short time its not funny! I lose what I know inside my own head!!! I mean... when I was a kid, we had various varieties of these afore mentioned c/b/bs in practically every house on the street where we lived! And now, ten years after we left that-a-place, its vanished from the brain like it never was there!